Chapter 17: How did I get here?
James walks up again to the smell of bacon, coffee, and eggs. He looks around for his watch and notices that it’s almost 10am. His chest feels like a small elephant is sitting on it, just above his left nipple. That pain is quickly replaced by the explosion of pain when he tries to open his mouth. He gets out of bed, her bed, and walks toward a large mirror, her mirror, to properly survey this damage. The entire upper left side of his chest is a bruise, instinctively he touches the bruise and instinctively wonders why he was dumb enough to do that. He leans into the mirror and checks out the new gap in his mouth, “Pretty sure that was a molar.” He runs his tongue of the new hole in his face and tries to block out the pain as much as possible, with minimal success.
He walks into the kitchen, her kitchen, and she turns to greet him with a smile. “Good morning, Mr. Hero.”
He frowns, “Don’t call me that,” he forces a smile, “My name is James.” He notices a chair at her dining table has been pulled out and a fresh cup of coffee sits waiting for someone to drink it. He plops himself down and winces in pain. He thinks to himself that this all seems entirely too familiar but shakes his head and tries not to focus on that.
She puts some food down in front of him and sits across the table, “So how are you feeling?” She takes a sip of coffee, “You look like you got hit by a car last night.”
He tries to take a sip of coffee, but thinks better of it. “Yeah…about that.” He tries to pick up his fork but his left arm doesn’t have any interest in working so far today. “Turns out a bulletproof vest lives up to it’s name.” He drops the fork, “With some unexpected repercussions.”
She puts her coffee cup down, “I want to know one thing.”
“Just one thing?” He is able to use his right arm to get some eggs in his mouth which he swallows as quickly as possible.
“Ok fair enough,” She smiles, “I want to know everything.”
He places some more eggs in his mouth and then puts his fork down, “Why?”
“My life has been filled with emptiness for years. I was with the wrong man for years because I thought I was supposed to be. Because I never wanted to ask questions, I just wanted to be kept and to be kept I had to keep my mouth shut. I see what you do, I see you, and I just want to feel something again. I haven’t been living, I have been existing, and I think knowing you, completely is the closest thing I will ever be to being alive again.” She smiles desperate for his approval, “I’m sorry.”
James’ mouth drops open and he cant stop blinking. He puts his hand up to stop her from apologizing again. He looks down at his coffee and studies his reflection for a moment, “I have stared death in the face more than I ever want to admit.” He continues to talk to the reflection in is coffee, “But I can’t tell you how afraid I am to tell you anything more than you already know.” He looks at himself some more and thinks about all the lies he has fed her, he doesn’t know if he can keep up the story anymore, he doesn’t know if he even wants to. He looks up at her and looks her in those soft green eyes and sighs, “You might be the best thing to happen to me in years,” He clears his throat, “My everything, starts as so many other stories do, with a girl. Her name was Mandy Lee.”
The world spins on it’s axis and years fall off the calendar. James is sitting under a tree, his hair is short and cropped. His face looks young and full of life. He is sitting in the middle of a field in quiet contentedness. He is smiling and his jackboot sideburns are flanking his smile perfectly. He is waiting for someone or something to come his way, until then he is enjoying the quiet.
The young woman from his bedroom, the one who would go on to completely ruin his life, is walking towards him. She walks up to him and sits down by his side. “Jimmy have you been here all morning?”
He turns his head towards her and nods, “I finished my exams yesterday, so I decided to talk you.”
“Now you know you can’t stalk the willing,” she spins around and lands her head in his lap, “What are we going to do today darling?”
He shrugs and strokes her hair, “Well we could go back to your dorm and screw like rabbit for the rest of day.”
She springs up and halfheartedly slaps his shoulder, “You’re such a punk!”
The world spins again and he is still looking at Lisa’s eyes. “That was the day I asked her to move in with me. I had already been offered a job with a new local law firm as a high paying paralegal. I was going to be making enough money to support us both and buy us whatever we wanted.”
“How old was she?” Lisa asked with a knowing grin.
“Not old enough for want I wanted us to be.” James nods, “But I guess you already figured that out.” James leans back in his chair, “We were together for almost 5 years, and in that last year we may have spoken close to a dozen times.” James laughs, “Then she ruined my life.”
Lisa scrunches her face, “Her dumping you ruined your life?”
James laughs and shakes his head, “No,” he clears his throat, “It would have hurt though.” He forces down a large gulp of coffee, “No she ruined my life by getting into a 5 car accident. No one was killed but everyone was injured in some way.”
“But…” Lisa tried to speak up but James put his hand up.
“At this point I was making millions as a Personal Injury attorney. I had something of a reputation of being a complete bastard and going after everyone and everything I could. So when the suits started showing up I figured I could handle all the paper work myself.” James looks down for a moment, “That would prove to be a large mistake. You see she wasn’t totally honest with me, she had taken some Ecstasy the night before and that pretty much made her the at fault party no matter what I tried to do to argue the case.”
“So you lost? How did that ruin your life? Doesn’t insurance take care of these thing?” Lisa refilled his cup.
“They did. But the damage to my reputation was too much for my Firm to take. The older attorney’s didn’t much care for me to begin with and when they saw the blood in the water they finished me off.” James took another sip of coffee and the whole in his mouth hurt less. “Between the expenses for the case, rent, my car being totaled, and not being covered due to my girlfriend not being on my policy, plus everything else they could think off, I was in the whole 15 million dollars.” James looks up at Lisa, “I could never work in Law again they made sure of it. The best job I could get was selling green-routers for a tiny company that consists of 7 people, of which Im one of 3 VPs.” James took a deep breath and sighed, “I will never be able to get out of debt.”
“Why not file bankruptcy?”
James smiled, “Too much pride.” He shakes his head again, “And because I was planning on killing myself anyway.”
Lisa’s jaw falls open, “What? Why?”
“It wasn’t that they ruined me, they ruined me completely. Then weeks later, maybe because the guilt was too much for her or because she was already fucking someone else, my girlfriend left me.” James sighed again, “So I went out to a bar in the worst part of town and started drinking away my last 500 bucks. That night I stumbled out of the bar and across a pimp who was beating one of his whores I guess?” He shrugs, “I’m drunk off my ass and looking to get myself killed, and somehow I managed to beat the shit out of the guy and take all his money.” He finally looks up at her and smiles, “Suddenly I could make rent.”
“How did you not get caught?”
He laughs, “That’s the best part. Who is going to file a police report?” He takes another shot of coffee, “The people I end up helping out never ask for their money back.” He shrugs. “It’s a living.”
For a moment the two sit in silence. “You really are a hero.” Lisa places a hand on his.
“How do you figure?” He asks while hoping she never moves her hand off of his.
“You are willing to go out into the worst parts of the world and take it to the pieces of shit who live there. Okay, so your motives arent the purest, so what? How many lives have you saved? How many people think of you as a real modern-day Hero?”
He moves his hand from hers in his shame, “I wish they would pay me then. Im not a hero, Im not one of those monsters out there either. I am, just trying to make ends met” James rubs his face, “There are people out there who have to work 3 jobs to pay their rent, I work one job and break the jaws of dirt bags at night. And all because I refuse to accept that I fell in love with the wrong girl at the wrong time, and fucked with the wrong people at the same time.” James flings his hands around and starts losing his grip on his on his emotions. He shoots out of his car, “How am I any better than those scumbags that I take great joy in beating the half to death?”
She gets up from the table and wraps her hands around his face, “Because you are.”